Stone cold truth of great friendship. (1) When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. (2) When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. (3) When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in. (4) When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get. (5) When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining. (6) When you are confused, I will use little words. (7) When you are sick, Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. (8) When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. (9) This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end "Why?" you may ask, because you are my friend.